Articles, Wellness

How to Spot a Manipulator

People can be manipulative. Some do it with bad intentions (These peeps we’ll classify as “purely evil.” Like the villains in all those superhero movies I can’t watch because they give me nightmares. You know, like Miss Congeniality 2). Others lie to themselves and believe they are doing it with “good” intentions. Talk about garbage-e-o. How could secretly trying to control another person be good in ANY way?! It’s not. It’s disrespectful and dangerous, and we are at high-risk of being manipulated if we are people-pleasers. To prevent this tomfoolery in our life we must ask ourselves:

  1. Is this actually good for ME: Manipulative people often become the way they are out of a very selfish desire to have everything their way. Now, you know I believe firmly in doing what is best for you, because if you don’t take care of yourself you are of no use to others. Being selfish is different. For example, it is not easy for me to travel in a car to upstate New York to attend family gatherings. By the time we get there, I am very worn out because of my health problems and I’m literally experiencing a minimum of 14 horrific symptoms. Then, I need to spend the majority of the time locked in a dark room by myself trying to recover. How in the world is that any way to spend a special day like Christmas?! Well, the answer is that it is not. So, the choice I must make to take care of myself, is to not go upstate. That’s not selfish. I would be acting selfish/manipulative if I contacted all of my loved ones and told them “poor me” stories and guilted them into changing all of their plans for Christmas Day and forcing them to visit me in Manhattan.
  2. WHY is this person making this suggestion: There is a person I know who unfortunately becomes so obsessed by what she wants that she makes ridiculous suggestions to others that are actually BAD for them. The biggest problem is that the suggestions are wrapped up with a shiny bow, presented with a big smile, and seem to be “thoughtful.” This is the worst type of manipulator. She does things like presents “solutions” to make you drive 5 hours with terrible health problems and a myriad of other complicating factors just to attend her party. They are not really solutions. They are actually quite terrible for you.

Now that we’ve identified how to spot a manipulator, we must distance ourselves from them. Whoever is acting that way towards you is not a friend. Regardless of how much they try spinning a situation to make it look like it is best for you, if you’ve given it a good think and you know it really is not, tell them that. Like I’ve said on Graye Note Radio, if you can’t say it out loud, send it in an email. It gets your point across in a clear, concise manner, and you’ve taken the necessary step to protect your mental and emotional wellness. Manipulation is lies. Lies are darkness. Darkness is evil. And I don’t just mean Miss Congeniality 2 type evil.

Love you.

Andrea Graye