How do you feel? Sometimes, the answer isn’t clear. This is not good, because if we don’t know how we feel, we can’t be happy and healthy.
There’s so much cultural phooie-ness that takes up residence in our minds and it totes blocks the truthful answer to this question from coming out. I say, let’s put an end to that right now!
Head’s up: we need to be ready to have a different mindset than what our culture has led us to believe is “right.” This is a good thing, because change only happens with new mindsets!
1) You have a right to be treated like the princess you are. I cannot tell you how unhappy it makes me to hear the phrase “First World Problems.” What the heck is that supposed to mean anyway?! Why do we judge our circumstances by comparing our lives to societies with the worst living situations? That’s just silliness. Let’s judge our circumstances by comparing our lives to a world where there is no brokenness and people are treated well.
2) Open up the Notes app on your Fancy Phone and make a list of everything that makes you feel unhappy. Stay strong, Sisters, and be free to be truthful. Even if something seems smallish, it matters, so please, write it down :)!!! These are my tips for identifying things that make you unhappy:
a. Think about what your mind is focused on for the majority of your day
b. What needs do you have that aren’t being met (EYE OPENER: if you “want” something, and it’s not immoral, then it’s on your heart for a reason, and you NEED it…please include these things in your list!)
3) Determine what must be done to change your circumstances by asking yourself these questions:
a. What things do I have 100% control over making different and what do I need to do to change them?
b. What things can I not change because they are being caused my another human? If this human is not our spouse, and they are never going to change, we need to create a healthy boundary between us and said human. It’s simply not acceptable for a person to treat us like anything less than the princess that we are! I simply cannot say that enough, because it is TRUTH!!
c. What things do I not have 100% control over making different because of my spouse? This is THE tough-y of all tough-ies, because we cannot simply end this type of relationship. As a married unit, we are tied to another human and we can’t avoid their decisions affecting us. What we need to do in this scenario, is to take time DAILY to center ourselves; reflect on what our hearts say our lives should be like, and stand firm in consistently expressing that to our spouse. (Very Important Note: If a spouse is refusing to change and/or has a problem that is harmful to us, then we very much can and MUST insert a boundary, take the space we need, and even completely end the relationship if it’s unsafe for us).
This was a deep one my ladies, but mucho important, so I had to write it. Remember, we are sisters, and we are here for each other. If you ever want to chat please tweet at me (@AndreaGraye) or send us a message on grayenote.com (grayenote.com/contact/)!!!
I truly love each of you more than you know.