Articles, Wellness

Modern Marriage

I think being a lady is hard. We’re constantly being judged by friends, employers, employees, children, mothers, significant others, and even ourselves. We have so many roles to fill and in 2016, we can go from feeling like we have it all to feeling like we have nothing, in a matter of an hour. Life is complicated, and I think that it has severely complicated our understanding of what can be the fabulous position of wife or lady-friend. I don’t like a complicated life, so it’s time we get to the bottom of this…

  1. We get to be the King: This is not 1932. If our significant other is being a jack-slab (a human who is being prideful, arrogant, disrespectful, and/or is making bad and irresponsible decisions) we won’t follow them down the wrong path. We have the right to earn and spend money and make decisions that are good and responsible. Now, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE nothing more than when my husband gives something a good think and comes to me with a well thought-out plan that is great for our life. In those situations, I jump on board with both feet and a big smile and feel taken care of that he’s being the king. However, there have been times when he has NOT been thinking clearly, and he comes to me with a terrible idea, that has not been thoroughly thought through, and I have to say, “No. No, I will not do that.” I hate it. I hate that’s the situation we’re in, but me saying, “No.” is what’s best for us.
  2. We get to be the Princess: Being a princess is marvelous, and I hate the negative connotation it gets. While we have equal rights in a relationship, we also have the right to still feel and be treated like a lady. Now, that might look different for each of us, depending on our interests. For me, not surprisingly if you know me at all, it means I am very happy and ready to receive a new cocktail ring any day of the month, along with an abundance of hugs and compliments, and surprise trips to anywhere in the world with salt, sand, and sun. But that’s just me. Maybe for you, being treated like a princess means your husband takes you on a 10-mile hike and you tent in the woods. The point is, he knows whatever it is your heart loves the most, and he has the deepest desire to make that happen for you so you feel special. Who doesn’t want to feel special? The answer is no one. Everyone wants (and needs!) to feel special, and that is why I’m always thinking of ways to plan fun things that make my husband feel special!
  3. We get to live WITHOUT Fear: Going back to point 1, since this is no longer the 1930s, we can stand up if something is not going right. Now, my husband has a heart of gold and has very many amazing qualities. But, there are things that have not been perfect about him. For example, he had a bad habit of saying things to me in a manner that seemed extremely rude and insensitive, and then he would tell me that I was oversensitive. Unfortch, I believed him for the first 7 years of our marriage, and I would just cry by myself every time this happened. Then one day, after giving things a good think myself, I decided that I indeed was not being oversensitive, and he really was using a mucho rude tone with me. So, determined not to live the rest of my life feeling sad and hurt, I told him he was wrong. Now, this did not go over well at first, as he had some major pride plugging up his ears. But, I stood firm, and for the next year, I repeatedly told him this was a problem. Because of my zest for the cause, the truth finally unclogged his ear-bots and he believed me! Well, talk about a victory. Now, I don’t feel sad, alone, and hurt all the time anymore. Could you imagine if I spent the next 40 years of our marriage silent and I never said anything???? There would be so much hurt and distance between us! No bueno.

This might be a tough one to digest, my Ladies, but it’s the truth. And even though truth can feel really, really hard at first, it’s the only thing that keeps us free to be ourselves.

I love you!

Andrea Graye :)